"Why you do what you do. Here's the truth you need to embrace if you're ever going to change. You do what you do because of what you think of you". ~ Craig GroeschelSTEPHANIE: Welcome to the Keto Mom page, my name is Stephanie. This is my amazing husband Steve, and we're diving into the book called "The Power To Change" by Craig Groeschel.
CHAPTER 1.1: WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO?
STEVE: We're getting ready to dive into this and if you apply this to your life, then your life will change and it will never be the same.
"Why you do what you do because of what you think of you".
You've probably heard Stephanie say this, and we learned this from one of our mentors Joseph McClendon III, "As you think so you feel, as you feel so you do, and as you do so you have". There was a recent study that said, "Most people set new year's resolutions and most of them have goals. But by the second week in January, more than 60% of people already quit what they said and just throw in the towel".
So how many of you have ever set up the vision boards, set up the discipline and the habits, and put all of the right things in the right order? You've bought the shoes, the workout gear, and the workout program, but what typically happens?
STEPHANIE: There are excuses like, they don't see themselves worthy. This gets in their minds and they would quit.
STEVE: They do! And it turns into this mental game, and I think that's one of the things that I've been challenged with. It's either toxic thoughts or some different lies that I've been believing. And I've never really understood until this week of diving through this book and going to a lot of our events. For me, it's become a full circle and it's been pretty transformational. So Stephanie, what are some things that you've highlighted and some things that we asked them to do?
STEPHANIE: Alright! So we did the introduction, yesterday, we talked about making a list of the things that you want to start behaviors you want to change, and a list of things you want to stop, stop behaviors you want to change. So this book is great because it really breaks it down into small increments, you don't have to read a ton, whether you're going to tune in here, just because you don't have the book or you're gonna get the book, it's a very simple way to go through it because it breaks it up into very small little parts. It gives you a story, something to think about, and then an action step. And so we're on 1.1, if you're actually following along in the book, or if you're just watching the lives that you can actually take the action as well.
"Why you do what you do. Here's the truth you need to embrace if you're ever going to change. You do what you do because of what you think of you".
So pastor Craig tells a story about the beginning of the church. He and an associate pastor were at the church, and then all of a sudden, a whole bunch of cars whip into the parking lot. They looked outside and thought that people were so excited to come and see them.
But it wasn't what they were excited to come and see through. There was actually a fight that was about to break out in the church parking lot. And them being men, for a split second, they forgot that they were pastors, ran outside, and joined the crowd shouting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"... And then all of a sudden, they both looked at each other and realized that they didn't stand for any of it. So it went from "Fight, Fight, Fight" to "Break it up!"...
"No matter what we wanted to do, we had to be true to who we were".
What I love about this book is that pastor Craig gives you biblical principles, and at the same time, he'll also talks about the psychology of our brains.
"In Proverbs, it says, 'For as he thinks within himself, so is he. For he thinks within himself means we choose the story that we believe"
We choose the things that we're believing in ourselves, and that creates the action of the things that we do. For instance, If you don't believe in yourself and you've looked at yourself in a certain way all these years. People might have spoken words over you and it created a belief in you...
"You'll always be this way"
"It's in our family"
"It's in our genes"
"You will never amount to much"
"That will never be you"
"Why do you think you deserve that?"
As you run these stories in your head, it becomes a belief. So even if you tell yourself things like...
"I'm going to get stronger"
"I want to lose weight"
"I want to feel better"
"I want to have a good marriage"
"I want to be financially free"
Even if you wrote these things down or you have the vision boards, if you believe that it will never be you, that is going to override the goals and the habits that you've set for yourself. And that's what he's saying. Steve, anything wants to say about that?
STEVE: I remember hearing you say last week that we have a tendency to make things worse than they actually are. And it makes me think that some of these things that we may have been deceived on which appear to be our truth, we're actually only one shift away from breaking free and changing to become the person we were created to be.
STEPHANIE: If you can just identify the lies of what you're believing in yourself, it will help you make a huge shift in accomplishing your goals.
STEVE: For sure! So every day I'm going through the workbook. We've got the physical book and there's also an audiobook with some really great messages. So if you want to listen to the messaging aspect of it, just comment message down below and we'll send that to you.
I'm loving this book because there's so much content, and we're in an information era where there are so many things out there and it's piecing it all together. So we appreciate you being here, but we can also send you a message.
The breakthrough that I had this morning was the fact that I'm typically good at thinking through the systems and habits aspect, but I didn't realize the spiritual truth aspect of how important it is. It's one thing to identify the lies and one thing to identify those words we're speaking over ourselves. Something that I started yesterday, he called "Your Truth Journal" and you can write down those lies that you're putting in your mind.
We'll get into that later, but that's a little sneak peek. If you can identify the lies, write them down, so you can actually shift those thoughts to becoming more spiritual truths that you can apply to your life. Because when you know who you are, you will know
what to do.
STEPHANIE: I love that! So pastor Craig gave an example...
"Two people who have experienced nearly identical circumstances can come to very different identities. For instance, if you've ever been through a lot, the story you might tell yourself is this 'I'm a victim, bad things always happen to me'. While the other person living with a different identity might see himself as 'I'm an overcomer. No matter what life throws at me, I will kick it in the tail and keep moving".
"That's what the Bible says, 'For as he thinks within him'. What does this mean? Who we are, and our character shapes our thoughts about ourselves and others. What we think is a reflection of who we are, and then it shapes our lives. We have no choice but to live out what we think. What we think within ourselves, we make the decisions based on self-identification".
"There were studies done at Stanford University and they called it 'The Identity Model of Decision Making'. People base their decisions on who they think they are. They ask themselves 'Who am I?', 'What kind of situation is this?', 'What would somebody like me do in this situation?'... Their self-identity is the primary reason why they make a decision".
STEPHANIE: I'll give you a really silly example. Yesterday we were at CrossFit as a family, and when they gave us the workouts, they basically gave us a really hard one. They usually break it into three aspects. There's the solid athlete, the functional fitness, and the competitor. I'm not a competitor but a functional fitness and then a beginner.
So I normally automatically put myself in this middle position because that's how I see myself. I'm doing functional fitness, I'm a mom athlete, and I don't see myself as the athlete to compete at the highest level. I kind of let myself off the hook because the workout is hard. The top part is harder, the middle part is comfortable yet hard.
So we were doing the workout yesterday, and on my board, I wrote the highest part with a dash of the middle part, so in case I was tired, I would let myself off the hook. In my head, I believed that I can't do that part because I'm not an athlete. And as we were doing the workouts, the book popped into my mind, and realized that there's an aspect of life where other people aren't going to know what I do, but it's in my own head and my limiting beliefs. And I'm the only person that can get myself out of that rut.
You can listen to people and read books, but ultimately, you have to get yourself out of that mindset. So I told myself, 'If I row 650 meters, surely I can do 150 more to get to 800. I can be the athlete'... I switched my mindset and I said, 'I am an athlete and I can do this'. Instead of doing 35 pushups, I can surely do 15 more and do the athlete number. So I said, 'I can do this', 'I can do this', 'I am an athlete'. Instead of doing 150 jump ropes, I did 300...
I told myself said that I can do it, I'm an athlete and I can do hard things.
And at the very end, I did the same thing because nobody knew the numbers that I was doing. But I knew, and I knew that if I could talk myself into it and simply go, 'What would an athlete do?' They would do the highest number possible, so I had to talk myself out of the lower number.
There will come a point where you're going to watch this, you're going to read the books and listen to the messages and you will be able to tell yourself that you can actually do more. Just like how I was able to do more, it was hard but it actually was fine.
STEVE: So it sounds like the words you speak to yourself can really make a difference?
STEPHANIE: Yes they do! Especially if you're a parent, a coach, or if you've got other people watching you. My goal wasn't just for me, I wanted to prove it to myself and to my girls. We usually always ask 'What numbers did you do?' Our eldest daughter asked me that question and I said, "I did 850, 350, and 800". And she went "What? You did not". I said "Yeah, I did. I did it"... It was hard to believe because I usually set my standards lower...
STEVE: So for those of you who are tuning in...
"What are your standards?" Only you can set those.
"What environments do you put yourself in?" You can put yourself in an environment that's going to push you
"What words are you speaking to yourself?" What you're rehearsing in your mind can make all the difference.
Just choose to do hard things so you can put them into practice. I think if you get that dialed in, that's how you grow to become a better version.
STEPHANIE: You're going to learn to identify with what you're wanting to become.
STEVE: This isn't just about fitness, this is also about the little things. Just like like what Stephanie always says, I'll shut the lights off in the kitchen because the kitchen is closed. She's making a standard for our kids and we don't need to be snacking after dinner. It's a principle, it's a behavior, and it's a cue. We're going to get into the habit loop in the next week or so, but there are little things that you can do to make that switch.
STEPHANIE: Or if your goal is to get financially out of debt and you find yourself going to certain places, instead of going to Target or the drive-thru, you can tell yourself "I am a person that saves", or "I'm getting out of debt"... You've got to create the identity of who you are becoming.
STEVE: That sounds so good...
"What are you telling yourself?"
"What are you calling yourself?"
"What are the voices in your head speaking about yourself?"
"How can you replace some of the lies with some spiritual truths?"
That's where the breakthrough happens.
STEPHANIE: "Our identities are an undetected, undercurrent pulling at us into decisions and behaviors. Sometimes, though, we do sense the current influences us and then even blame that influence for our poor decision".
"Why does your friend keep going from loser boyfriend to loser boyfriend? And then you say, 'Hey, why are you choosing these loser boyfriends?' And she'll tell you that she doesn't want to, it's just who she is".
"Why do you have a friend that always struggles with money? You ask him, 'Why do you struggle with this so much?' And he will explain to you that he's just not good with money. He doesn't want to, but he always spends too much. It's who he is, he's always in debt".
STEPHANIE: It's interesting, because now that you hear this and you have an awareness of it, you will hear people say, "It's just who I am", "It's just how I do things", "It's always been that way", "It's in our family"... They're identifying, and that's why they're making the decisions. That's why even if they say "I want to get out of debt", "I want to lose weight", or "I want to have a better relationship", if they identify with the opposite then that's what's going to come out of them.
STEVE: For sure! This is powerful, and a lot of this stuff is probably deeply seated due to the way that you were raised, due to the people who you looked up to, and due to some of the things that they said. Maybe some of the most important people in your life have said something about you, or to you, or to somebody else, and you heard it through the grapevine. But it's those reasons that you think you are who you think you are.
You've basically placed some self-identities on yourself, and you don't even know it. Our hope is, through those identities and through those words you're speaking over yourself, I'd like to give you an assignment today. Get a piece of paper, open up a notepad, and say something about who you are.
For example, Stephanie yesterday, was telling herself, "I am an athlete, what would an athlete do?"... That's something that she can write down in her Truth Journal.
STEPHANIE: Well, I would have identified the lie first, because I told myself I can't do the higher one. And then I remembered the book and how we're coaching on this. So I changed my mindset and said "I actually can do it", "I'm an athlete"... I had to get myself through it.
STEVE: This is so perfect! This is golden, and this is what's going to truly set 2023 at a whole new level because you're developing an awareness. Our hope and prayer are that you get and understand it here. For me, it's taken about seven years of hearing it from different people at different times. And for whatever reason, it's becoming very self-evident to me right now.
So please take this information and let it soak in. Because if you can get this, you're going to go to a whole new level. You have the power to change. Just like how Stephanie was telling herself that she didn't have this, and she can't do these numbers. But she self-identified that negative self-talk, and she quickly applied truth to who she was. She said "No!"... She stopped the negative talk, and she told herself "I am an athlete, what would an athlete do?"
STEPHANIE: They would do the harder numbers.
STEVE: For me, one of the cues that I have is when I'm bored, or dehydrated. Where do you think I have a tendency to walk? I walked towards the kitchen. When I get to the kitchen, I open up a cupboard and wonder what sounds good to eat. It's not bad food, but it's food that just doesn't usually go well with my body. That's a cue and I have to identify it.
Our hope is through your negative self-talk or self-identities, you can identify them and then replace them with different behavior.
STEPHANIE: You're almost putting yourself into that position.
I want to be this person.
I'm going to become that person.
What would that person do?
What would I as a person that wants to get out of debt do?
So you can put yourself in the relationship aspect, or the spiritual aspect. If you're working on you're spiritual spoke, then what would you wanting to work on that, do? You can get into a life group, you can go to church, or listen to different podcasts.
We can set all the goals that we want, and those are great. We can have a vision board, that's great. But we have to look at our identity and then put ourselves there.
STEVE: That's true! But here's what's interesting, you start talking about this kind of stuff and it's really easy for people to tune out. But this is where the breakthrough happens. So vision boards, dream boards, and having the right habits are all so important. Having the right workout gear, being prepared, having the right food in the kitchen, all of that stuff makes a huge difference. But the breakthrough happens when you start tying spiritual truth to it.
The moment you tie the spiritual truth to it is when it actually comes full circle. Because the reality is, you can't do it by yourself, you just can't. And there are so many people, myself included, where you just keep putting yourself in this perpetual circle or walking around the mountain. And until you can tie the spiritual truth of who you are, the spiritual power, and spiritual discipline to it, that's when you can actually break through.
STEPHANIE: I can hear my dad's voice in my head saying, "This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where you're going to break through and keep going"...
STEVE: So today could be the day where you start hearing certain voices or certain things that you're saying to yourself. It's time to identify it, and if you don't necessarily know how to change or switch it? I would call them toxic thoughts. How do you change those toxic thoughts that are deeply rooted? We're going to talk about that over the next few weeks. We're going to talk about how to break through all the information.
For now, I just want you to identify it and let it be a part of your RAS or your "Reticular Activating System". But if you feel like you have to fix this right away, you can send us a message, and we'll talk you through it and we'll come up with a game plan.
For the other people we're talking to today, we're going to just take little bits and pieces at a time. Yesterday, we talked about your "STOP and START BEHAVIORS". All of this stuff is so important, let's start with what an underlying belief is...
STEPHANIE: Well, pastor Craig said...
"Using the 'STOP BEHAVIORS' that you listed in exercise 1, think about the beliefs that is driving your behaviors. What is the 'What you think of you', motivating the 'What you do?'... So when I stopped the 'STOP BEHAVIORS', what is the underlying belief?... For example, when I drink too much, my underlying belief is that the only effective way to escape my stress and pain is to medicate myself. When I choose not to read my Bible, my underlying belief is that I don't really believe that God will fulfill His promises for me. When I continue to be in a toxic relationship, my underlying belief is that this is all that I really deserve".
STEPHANIE: So you're taking what you do not believe from before the things you want to stop, and he wants you to duplicate it.
STEVE: I'll share my example, I spent about an hour working on this. This was deeply rooted in me. When I eat too much, that was my thing. You can also fill in whatever that blank is for you...
Spend too much money
Drink too much
Raise my voice when I get too angry
So fill in whatever that is for you, but this is what I wrote down. When I eat too much, my underlying belief is that... This was actually pretty challenging for me to work through, so I'm just going to say it. When you start identifying this stuff, it actually becomes real to you. So laugh at me, I don't care, but this is what I'm working through and overcoming.
"When I eat too much, my underlying belief is that being full tells me I'm finished".
I feel like I have to get so full that I feel like I'm finished. I say that because I'm not sure where my next meal will come from. I say that because it makes me feel complete. It makes me feel finished as I said. I'm about to get there now, so this is where it starts. For me, it's about emotions, it's like this quick spike that makes me feel good but it always comes with a crash.
I do this in regard to eating sugar, and it's because of how I was growing up. I'm actually quite addicted to sugar, but I'm acknowledging that and I'm putting in the spiritual truths to change it. What I would easily do is eat it, and my underlying belief is to just ignore the long-term consequences.
My underlying beliefs were...
Steve, you have a lack of self-control.
Steve, you do it because you're bored.
Steve, you do it because you think you're hungry.
Why am I bored? Probably because I'm stressed out, and there is some anxiety running around in my mind. Or maybe it's because I'm just really thirsty. So I want to encourage you to identify what it is in your life that you want to stop. But it's not just what you want to stop, it's also the underlying beliefs that are causing it to even happen in the first place.
Tomorrow, we'll talk about some of the behaviors and some of the cues, and if you can identify what it is that you're wanting to stop and more importantly, the underlying belief of what's causing it.
STEPHANIE: It's all a process, so as we go through the book, we can send out the messages, or you can listen to the audible. Everybody learns differently, you can also reach out and ask questions below. You can also visit ketomomsecrets.com and click on Book Club. We have books that we've shared over the last two years, and this one will be going there as well.
STEVE: This is also out on YouTube, or you can check out the ketomomsecrets podcast on Spotify, it's all there. She's up to like 160 episodes, something crazy like that. That's pretty amazing, that's just to show you the power of consistency.
If you want the message, just comment message down below. Or just send us a message, and we'll make sure we get it to you. It's really good and I hope that this was valuable to you.
STEPHANIE: In general, the mornings will help you with your mindset. You can always go through the Keto Mom page, whether it's on Instagram, YouTube, or Facebook. You can scroll through for recipes, and keto tips or you can send me a message. You can always go to ketomomsecrets.com and click on how to get started and recipes.
But what we truly feel like people need is, they need the truth. They need to understand their identity, they need to understand their mindset.
And you might think having the right recipes is going to fix everything. But I'm telling you, you're wrong. Over the last eight years, I've gotten so many messages of people going around the same mountain, doing the same diets, doing the same things over and over again, failing and starting and failing again.
So until you decide to work on your mindset, make the shift, and understand that your mindset is important, you're going to keep going around the same mountain. We want to give you what you need, and also what you want. You'll find all of that on the page or you can easily send us a message and we're here to help.
STEVE: That's Powerful!
STEPHANIE: All right! We appreciate you and thank you for tuning in. Have a great day and we'll talk to you later. Bye, everybody!
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